This has always amazed me. To an American, cutting line is shameful. To a Frenchman, it’s a bold mixture of tact and guts. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not putting down the French. In fact my point is the opposite. Different cultures have different values. And waiting in lines is not one of them in France. Americans see a line and they don’t even think about it, they just get in it. The French see a line and they think “How can I avoid standing in that line?” I remember once we were in New York walking to our Broadway show and we saw a huge line of people. I instinctively headed towards the back of the line and my wife instinctively kept going. So I followed her. And we walked right in. It turned out that there were several doors at the entrance and all the people just assumed that because there was a line there that they had to get in it! Now what would happen if we had reached the entrance and in fact there was only one door (with a long line)? The American solution would be to return to the end of the line. The French solution? Just cut in, hoping no one will have the guts to speak up.
Take for example, recently I was at the post office. So I go get in line. Actually I saw the line was about 30 minutes long so I went and did other errands and then came back to a much shorter line. That’s one of the great advantages of living in a small town where everything is within walking distance. Ok, so I’m in line and I see a women who was at the counter and then she casually gets in front of me but off to the side a little. Before, my first reaction in a situation like this was to lay on some good old American values. Then I learned, as mentioned in the opening paragraph, that the French don’t share the same values. So for a while I was going into observation mode. Like I was watching on TV. “I’m here to observe, not judge” I’d tell myself. But eventually I got tired of always being taken advantage of and then I went into French mode where you fight for your rights.
So, standing there at the post office, I’m thinking “Did this women just cut in front of me? No. It’s not possible, she’s about 50.” So I didn’t say anything. Then as the next person went to the next clerk, everyone moved forward a bit and the women went for the kill, quickly stepping in behind the man in front of me. It was very strategic yet elegant. Subtle yet effective. After realizing that this was no amateur, I tapped her on the shoulder and said “Excusez-moi madame mais j’étais deriere lui” (“Excuse me mam but I was behind him”). Now what she did was brilliant. She shamed me! I forget her exact words but she said she was at the counter to get the forms (implying she was physically present in the building before I was) and that if it were such a big deal she would let me go in front of her. This was a real pro that I was dealing with here! So I said it wasn’t polite etc. and she kept saying she wasn’t in a hurry if it was that important for me then I could go. So I quickly turned her approach around on her. “Ok, I’ll let you go just this once but it’s the last time!” So then we were arguing not about who was first, but about who would go first. It was quite funny. So I took my correct place behind the man in front of me and she kept running her mouth. I was only disappointed that the person behind me let her get away with it. They should have sent her butt to the back of the line, which was quite long by now!
So if you’re French you’re probably thinking “Yeah, good for her! She almost got you you fool!” and if you’re American you’re probably thinking either “Why didn’t you just let her go she’s older than you?” or “Yeah, you really told her!” The honest truth is this sort of thing happens all the time. And as someone who is usually very passive, it gets very tiring after several years. So I’ve decided that it’s not about who goes next who or the 2 minutes difference, it’s about catching these people in the act and letting them know I’m not going to take it. Childishness? Yes, of course it is. But if you treat it like a game, it’s quite fun. And I imagine it’s pretty funny when a French person gets scolded in French by an American with a very American accent. And that makes it worth it.
I just have to say I am with you 100% on this one – living in France has made me so much more aggressive, because of incidents like this. You just have to learn to stand up for yourself more, or otherwise people will walk all over you. And the funny thing is how they have no shame in doing it, and like you said, the minute you call them on it, they try to turn it around and make it your fault. I love how blaming the other person is their first reaction, while our gut American reaction would be to feel bad and apologize!!