The Paris Métro, the mirrors, and breaking the rules

March 01st 2007

The Paris métro is awesome. It’s so easy to use even the American tourists can figure it out. I am confused in London and in New York I’m totally lost. And in New York, what’s with not being able to cross to the other side if you take the wrong entrance?

The first Paris metro system was completed in 1900, the second oldest in the world. And that’s why it’s amazing that it’s still one of the best in the world. According to this survey by Virgin Vacations the Paris metro is #2. I don’t think it’s a fair comparison because London is #1. Whenever we’re in London we play a game to see who can spot the most rats. If you like to play this game I’ll give you a tip: look for the moving McDonald’s bags. But I also have to admit that the London metro smells a little less like urine than the Parisian metro so I guess it’s about even. If you read my previous entry, Why are Parisians always in a hurry? you’d know that they’re only in a hurry to get out of the métro!

I remember at the metro entrance at La Gare Saint Lazare (”St. Lazare train station”) there were mirrors in the corners of the stairs. Just a tall thin mirror in the corner. What is that all about? Well later I found out that those mirrors were strategically placed. And why might you ask? Because that’s where people were urinating. Apparently it worked. People would not urinate on a mirror. I’m not sure why I say “people” because I wouldn’t urinate anywhere in the metro (remember the Seinfeld episode in the parking garage?) but I guess if I had to choose a spot it wouldn’t be in front of a mirror.

I could go on and on about the Paris metro but it’d be easier to just send you to the Paris Métro page at Wikipedia. But what they don’t tell you at the Wikipedia page are the official rules:

  • You’re not allowed to talk to anyone on the train, you must wait until you get off
  • When you get on, you must stop right inside the door so that others can’t get on
  • When you get off, wait until the last possible second and then yell Pardon! (And no it’s not pronounced like Dolly Pardon)
  • If you have a choice of seats, take the aisle. Not only does it have more room (the window seat is like being stuffed into a small box), but it causes people trouble to squeeze into the window seat and thus you’re more likely to keep the window seat empty
  • If you’re a guy, you must stare at the women in front of you. If you’re a woman, you must read a book
  • Never, ever, wear white clothes if you’re taking the metro
  • Despite claims to the contrary, the clothe seats are not washable. And they date back to 1900.
  • If you miss the terminus (”last stop”), just sit tight. Eventually the train will go back in service.

Well that should be enough to get you to your destination!

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