Good Morning! The Handshake & La Bise

February 22nd 2007

There is a French custom that I really enjoy, although I must admit that sometimes I get a bit lazy and don’t do it. The tradition goes like this: When you arrive at work, you walk around a shake hands with all your coworkers. On a large team of 30 people, you definitely don’t want to be the last one to arrive! (And usually the last few just sneak in quietly without the handshake).

For women there is an interesting variation: la bise (”the kiss”). It’s not really a kiss but no one told me that when I was studying French in the US and I use to plant a big one on the old ladies at the l’Alliance Française (”The French Alliance”, a French club for francophones) activities. The proper technique is to touch cheeks and kiss the air. Now here is the catch, some women do la bise and some do not. And you have to remember which is which. But it’s more complicated than that, because some women will do la bise with one person and a handshake with another. So what’s the rule? Well the principal rule is that the bise cannot be refused. So if you’re up for it, go for it! You just assume the position and your partner is obliged to comply. Of course if you reserve les bises for only the prettiest of women it will be obvious, so a bit of tact is required!

I personally tend to go for the handshake, thinking I’ll spare the women from la bise, except if I haven’t seen someone in a long time and then la bise is mandatory. One more word on la bise, normally it’s two (one on each side) but for some women it’s 3 or even 4. It’s like dancing, you let your partner guide you. Sometimes I try for a third one even though I know someone is a 2, but they’re on to that trick and it rarely works.

The handshake isn’t just for the morning, it’s for the first time you see someone in the day. Often this can be confusing if you can’t remember if you already shook hands or not. They seem to have a knack for keeping track of it, better than I at least. Sometimes you can get away with two handshakes but I’ve never gotten away with la bise twice!

In the US, when someone is sick, we avoid physical contact. It’s just common sense. But the French are very much into “solidarité” (”solidarity”). So they do the handshake even when they’re sick. I call this “exchanging germs”. It’s quite funny, because when I’m sick I politely inform the person wanting the handshake, and they are like “so what?”. They want their handshake! And when it’s the other person that is sick and I politely refuse, it’s very impolite. I’ve since learned to just go along with it. So far I haven’t been any sicker. I think this is a good testament to the solidarity of the French.

So where did this handshaking tradition begin? One of my coworkers told me that it comes from the middle ages. It was a way for you to show everyone that you weren’t armed. I guess they weren’t sophisticated enough to hide their weapons. But you have to admit it is cool having traditions that are that old. Older than some countries.

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Comments

3 Comments so far

  1. Marie-Noëlle on March 6, 2007 17:39

    The number of “bises” depends on the area too.
    We are from Lyon (a 2-bise area) and have been living in the area of Paris for 15 years.
    I personnally had a lot of difficulty to get used to the 4-bise rule of this area.
    When we arrived, I gave 2 and the other one was left there, one’s cheek forward and awaiting… I had to apologize and to add “only 2 in Lyon”… After a few years, while I got used to the 4-bise rule, the others got used to my 2-bise one, and after 2 bises, they stopped, and I was the one ending up with my cheek forward, awaiting for 2 more !!!
    Crazy Frenchies!!!

  2. admin on March 6, 2007 21:03

    Hmm.. how are you getting 4 is Paris? I’m in the Paris area and I’m only getting 2! Either I’m ugly or you’re good looking! :)

  3. Antonio Pacheco on March 10, 2007 2:13

    Marie-Noelle is right, it is 4 in Paris, but usually you’ll do the 4 bises when you are not at work. You’ll do with your friends, not so much with your coworkers (2 is enough for them !) ;)

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