Recently I was having a bad day. My daughter was sick so I had to go to the pharmacy to pick up some medicine and stop by the post to mail two items I’d sold on ebay. And I was already running late for work in the morning! So I arrive at the post office and when it’s my turn I go up to the window and place my two packages on the counter and slide one towards the clerk.
I was surprised when he pushed it back out and asked what was going on! I said, “Obviously I have two packages I’d like to mail.”
So what did I do wrong? This approach probably would have worked in the US, although it wouldn’t have been the most pleasant experience. But why didn’t it work in France? The French have standards for politeness, and as old-fashioned, ironic, or even hypocritical as they may sound, they must be followed. (I saw hypocritical because the guy who expects you to greet him with a Bonjour Monsieur wouldn’t think twice about parking in front of your garage door or letting is dog poop on your doorstep. But that’s another article.)
The first thing to do is to always greet someone: Bonjour Monsieur (Good day Sir). The rest differs depending on the situation but I’ve found that starting out by phrasing the situation as a problem tends to work best. Then you follow up by explaining how the person can help you with your problem. This tends to work very well because 20% of the french workforce is composed of
fonctionnaires (government employees), for whom power is one of the few perks of the job.
So a more efficient scenario would have been:
- “Hello, I have these packages that I need to mail.” (stating the problem)
- “I’m not sure which forms I need, would you mind helping me with the necessary forms please?” (asking for their help)
My experience, when using this approach, is that the French really do want to help. The problem is sometimes I forget to use it. Which reminds me, once, not long after I arrived in France, I was at the cafeteria at work. When it was my turn I said want I wanted and the server replied “Bonjour Monsieur“. “Excusez-moi, bonjour” (“Excuse me, Good day”) I replied. And then he happily gave me what I had requested. He needed that bit of respect, and once he got it, I got a good portion of what I wanted.
And if you’re not a French speaker, even just a few little words in French will seal the deal. Just make the effort. No matter how badly you butcher their language, they will still appreciate the effort.
That’s true even at work. For example, the first thing a french does when arriving at work it to shake hands with all his colleagues.And I personnaly know that american people do not do the same…And if a colleague tries to ask me for something without telling me “hello” before, I will certainly not help him, it’s in our culture
In France, we use to say that politeness begins with “SBAM”: Sourire (smile), Bonjour (hello), Au revoir (bye) and Merci (thanks).
Don’t you say “hello”, “please” and “thanks” back in your country? (I’ve never been to the States!)
The French are no singular species… Cross the Channel or any boarder around and you will find the same habits on… and I would think some peoples are even more polite than us…
And, as a mother, I can add that those 3 words are the first words children are taught after “maman” and “papa”… You can often hear mothers saying “you didn’t say the magical word” (i.e. “please” or “thank you”)…
Of course we say “hello” etc. in the US. That wasn’t the point of this blog. The point I wanted to make is that one could probably get away with not saying it as a special occasion (having a bad day) but in France it’s mandatory. And the French are right, one should always be polite. However, the French politeness is often circumstantial (only applies in certain circumstances) and sometimes even hypocritical. I’ll develop this idea in a future blog entry, follow the tag “politeness”.
politeness is very important,not onl in france but in every other country. that would help not only in france but in states also.
Useful stuff, but the theme do not display correctly on my Powerbook…maybe you ought to examine that out. Thanks, anyway.