Recently I was having a bad day. My daughter was sick so I had to go to the pharmacy to pick up some medicine and stop by the post to mail two items I’d sold on ebay. And I was already running late for work in the morning! So I arrive at the post office and when it’s my turn I go up to the window and place my two packages on the counter and slide one towards the clerk.
I was surprised when he pushed it back out and asked what was going on! I said, “Obviously I have two packages I’d like to mail.”
So what did I do wrong? This approach probably would have worked in the US, although it wouldn’t have been the most pleasant experience. But why didn’t it work in France? The French have standards for politeness, and as old-fashioned, ironic, or even hypocritical as they may sound, they must be followed. (I saw hypocritical because the guy who expects you to greet him with a Bonjour Monsieur wouldn’t think twice about parking in front of your garage door or letting is dog poop on your doorstep. But that’s another article.)
The first thing to do is to always greet someone: Bonjour Monsieur (Good day Sir). The rest differs depending on the situation but I’ve found that starting out by phrasing the situation as a problem tends to work best. Then you follow up by explaining how the person can help you with your problem. This tends to work very well because 20% of the french workforce is composed of
fonctionnaires (government employees), for whom power is one of the few perks of the job.
So a more efficient scenario would have been:
- “Hello, I have these packages that I need to mail.” (stating the problem)
- “I’m not sure which forms I need, would you mind helping me with the necessary forms please?” (asking for their help)
My experience, when using this approach, is that the French really do want to help. The problem is sometimes I forget to use it. Which reminds me, once, not long after I arrived in France, I was at the cafeteria at work. When it was my turn I said want I wanted and the server replied “Bonjour Monsieur“. “Excusez-moi, bonjour” (“Excuse me, Good day”) I replied. And then he happily gave me what I had requested. He needed that bit of respect, and once he got it, I got a good portion of what I wanted.
And if you’re not a French speaker, even just a few little words in French will seal the deal. Just make the effort. No matter how badly you butcher their language, they will still appreciate the effort.


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